I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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