I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We talked him into tasing himself.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
