She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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