oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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