Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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