She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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