last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
