During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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