Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm like, not good at living.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
