i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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