butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
