Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
