I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
