So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
