Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
