Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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