The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
