omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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