i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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