hell yes lets make some ravioli
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
