So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
