I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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