I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am one with the molecules
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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