i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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