I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
