i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
