Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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