Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
