I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
