well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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