nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
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