I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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