Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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