Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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