Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
