Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
