so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
