I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
