dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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