Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
