I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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