just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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