You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My ass is underappreciated
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
