It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
