You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Randomize
