She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
