non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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