don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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