Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
