in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
