you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
