just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
