if you like me you must not know who I am
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
