So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone came in the potted fern
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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