Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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