Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
