I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
