dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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