Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
