You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
