She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
