508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my phone needs a breathalizer
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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