I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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