I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
