im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
