After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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