I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
