Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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