I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
are you so shy because you have an std?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
