I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
