Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
