I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
