You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
