plz talk dirty to me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
