Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
