Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
