Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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