There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
