I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
