That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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