You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is the high leading the old right now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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