This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
